So I’m sitting in my discrete math class, and I’m nodding off while secretly hoping that the professor won’t notice. But who am I kidding; there are only 14 people here out of 150, so of course she’ll see me. I feel sort of bad for her because she tries really hard to teach and make sure we understand the material, but there is just a language barrier that makes it difficult to understand her and people have decided that it would be more useful of their time if they did not come to class. I come out of pity.
We’re learning about combinations and permutations- something that I learned how to do in 9th grade- so I figure I am overdue to write a blog post. My friend reminded of blogging when she showed my a Calvin and Hobbes comic about telling stories (neither of us are paying attention during class clearly), so mini shout-out to her. I swear one day, I’ll be able to write a post without having to be reminded that I’m an inconsiderate person neglecting my projects; today’s just not the day.
Overall, it’s been pretty nice. I still feel like there is this perpetual cloud of regret that hands over my head because there are so many things I want to get involved in but can’t due to the fact everything happens at around the same time. If I were to attend everything, I would either never sleep or never be able to devote myself to any of the activities. I’ve never really had to prioritize until now, and it’s quite an experience. I do like how things are turning out, and it’s not because anything super eventful has happened. I’m taking life one day at a time, and while spontaneity still frightens me quite a bit, I’m learning how to become more flexible with everything and everyone.
I quite like orchestra because it’s a place where I feel like I belong. I’m a little bit sad that I hadn’t decided to become a musician because my dream job would be to play for musicals or movie soundtracks, and I know that I could always change to be a music major, but in my mind, it’s unrealistic and I am not that passionate about music. Not going to lie, though, I’m seriously considering not doing orchestra next school year because it’s so time demanding. My friends are all thinking of not taking orchestra for that same reason, and orchestra without my friends sounds rather bleak and depressing, so this will be a decision I hope to put off for as long as possible.
I really don’t have much time to write about anything else, so I’m going to have to put this off for next time. Perhaps I will write a blog post during every lecture, so it gives me something to do while providing an audience for my professor to teach to. Looking around the room, I can’t help but wonder if I taught this class, how many people would show up, which- as a segue- makes me wonder how many people read my blog posts on a given day. I could really look at my stats anytime, but I’m trying to develop a mentality that remains put regardless of what other people do or say. And maybe that’s what my math professor has already achieved: a feeling that what she is doing makes her happy in spite of how many people show up during every lecture. Perhaps subconsciously, I don’t come to class out of pity, but rather to learn more about how she always seems to have a smile as she looks across the empty chairs from 1:35-3:00 pm two times a week. I agree with the 136 people who say it is a waste of 90 precious minutes that I could have been using to attend workshops or study, but I’ve decided that as long she keeps smiling, I’ll keep coming. Because I want her to teach me.
Class is over, so I guess so is this blog post.